Feet on the ground.

 Today is day 26 of a 365 alcohol free-journey.  Perhaps not a sober journey as I still guzzle coffee with abandon and also dabble in low dose CBD gummies. I've struggled with my relationship to alcohol for awhile now. By struggle, I mean I am uncomfortable with it. Somewhere deep down I sense it's not for me. But then I can so easily rationalize why it's fine. It is fine. Like so many things with addictive qualities - phone use, sweets, food, all the things, my life is not derailed by the thing. There is no rock bottom for me just too many times over the decades of overdoing it and also the slow negative drain it pulls from my days- disruptions in sleep, foggy mornings, blood sugar unevenness, saying things I didn't quite mean too loudly without as much thought, and the infrequent soul crushing hangover that takes me back to very dark places. 

I am just excited to make one change that seems to make such a big difference in my life.  I have gone without for stretches of time before - 30 days, 90 days is the longest and each time I do I feel more grounded. I feel more peace in my bones and more empowered in my life as a mom, wife, employee, and human who is doing the modern juggle of all things. 

It brings a sense of calm that I can't quite achieve when alcohol is in my mix. It's probably getting older too. And, I just want to update my notion of fun. It's truly boring from a young person's standpoint. Cue the yawns, but fun for me these days is the peace I get from running, walking, biking, reading, cooking, writing, growing, and just being present with myself and others. Alcohol doesn't get me there. It does other things but it is usually only after the delightful sparkly first drink.  And, that is fun and sometimes magical. I just rarely stop there. It's usually one more and often one more. Drink number three is a little like sitting on cold bathroom tile. There's nothing left in that cup.  

I think too about my historic relationship to alcohol.  I started drinking in high school, 11th and 12th grade and used it to numb social anxiety and cope with shyness. I had zero self-awareness about anxiety, depression, or even what self-awareness was!  It was the early nineties. 

And, so here I am excited to do what I love the most, write and share all the observations of a clear eyed peace in the bones journey. The title of this blog was chosen for the beauty found in the day to day feet on the ground magic of healing what needs to be healed. I am excited to give that teenage girl more of what she needed that is not to be found in a can or a bottle. She deserves it. We all do.