Peace in my bones

 Peace in my bones is one of my favorite notions. It's so simple it's almost ridiculous. No striving, no want, no shoulds or what if's, no anxiety or future tripping.. Just here enjoying what I do have. Last night I went to bed early to the sound of my son playing video games with some new friends in high school. It's so small but so big at the same time. 

He is finally off the medication we tried when we didn't know what else to do. It was framed as something that could be temporary. Something light and easy and safe. It turned out to be none of those things. The side effects were rough and took almost six weeks for his body to adjust. And, then he wanted off after four months but yo and behold it isn't that simple. We would need to wean off gradually. It ended up being a 3.5 month process. Every night I would come in and many nights he pushed back. It seemed to cause more anxiety and distress. 

With each decrease we didn't notice any difference in his mood or behavior. He swears to this day it didn't help it all. He might be right. And the truth is we'll never know. 

I am just so grateful to be done with it. 

I woke up to a delicious mug of coffee in bed. 

Fall soccer with warm sun and electrifying light, bright green turf and yellow leaves. 

Grabbing a deli sandwich with my daughter at our local deli. Giving my dog a bath. 

Making a white bean soup. Walking Holly in the late afternoon. Letting her sniff and relieve herself. 

Just being with this life of mine. Moving with its' currents, warm and cooler waters and then pockets of delight that arrive without effort. 

Grateful.