Space instead of holes

 Filling holes takes a lot of extra energy.  It really does. You fill and then it empties and then you add too much and you feel sick. Too little and it's still a hole. 

This deeper and long-game process of letting the holes breath is not easy but I think I am starting to see gains. 

The past few weeks I was feeling a little down that I wasn't partaking in the social aspects of drinking. It's amazing how cut off you can feel from people in a social situation when beers and glasses of wine float around you like snow falling on a pretty winter day. It's confetti and sparkle and I can't reach for it.

But then it's Sunday night and nothing is in my way of a good night's sleep. 

I wake up early on Monday and Wednesdays to write before anyone is awake. I let go of my desire to exercise and just write. 

I met a friend to write on Friday and was talking about my alcohol free journey and I said something about how I feel like I have more space to do things that are important to me. 

Then it occurred to me, just a fuzzy outline, that maybe there are new levels of structuring my life so that I can write more. Maybe I can get up even earlier to write. 

Somehow it feels more doable knowing my body is not getting weekly smacks from alcohol. Again, at my age just a few glasses of wine can leave me depleted.

This and then a nice conversation with a friend at a party who let me know that my words and journey are inspiring her. She brought a book for me about wonderment which I read that night.

I am now exchanging early morning texts with my writing buddy to say we are doing it! 

Maybe, just maybe, this disciplined change is leading to more magic. More intention, and more output of things that really matter to me. The soil is benefiting from new nutrients and I am starting to see the faintest of blooms.