Monday Musings

 Drove my new car to work, weee! I didn't know I was a car person, but I guess I am. I love it. It makes me happy and that is kind of horrible maybe given cars are not nice to the planet. I am not driving more I am just now driving in comfort and ease. The car is not full of irretrievable crumbs that started when my kids were little beings. There is no smell of dog, yet. No tea bag on the floor of the car left by husband. No more sharing one car. 

It's amazing. 

I talked to my good friend on the way to work. It's Monday and we've taken to chatting in the morning. We connect on deep topics and pick up whatever the morning is presenting. Today it was the topic of shame. Hers, and mine and everyone's and how so often it's so painful we numb it with behaviors that only makes things worse - alcohol, or striving, or who knows what else. 

What is it about shame? It's such a particular feeling. It's an all over embarrassment about who we are. It's the opposite of empowered really.

We talked about facing it. Facing pain. It's hard work but it's the best. It's painful, but it's painful. It's supposed to be. These hard things will find you anyways, they always do. 

I am working through my parenting anxiety and things are feeling more spacious. We both laughed about how hard Mondays are in our respective houses. The kids are soo grumpy. Part of my anxiety is imaging all of the other fresh faced teenagers loading up their backpacks after a full night of rest eager to begin another week. Maybe some are, but likely many more are not. 

It's perfectionism and image stuff - the stuff that shame thrives on. 

We had good belly laughs and I think that is the antidote to anxiety really. It's not taking ourselves all that seriously. 

Anyways, happy Monday. We made it.